World Cruise 2012 Sydney to Sydney: docents

Some of you know that my absolute most favoritest volunteer activity is being a Sunday docent at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum. And Sunday docents—They're the best and this is what they did for me yesterday.

It was a normal lunchtime, except it was my last day for four and a half months, an eternity, I think. Julia, my co-captain, was making her normal announcements but added that I was leaving for this really great cruise around the world. Suddenly there appeared a bag filled with colored tissue paper and presumably some other things, since it was pretty heavy and I had to open all of them and have a show-and-tell. Like Christmas in April!

The whole kit and kaboodle!

They gave me:

A box of tissues (in case I cried, I think)
Ear plugs (they don't think I snore, do they? No, must be Randy that snores)
Hand sanitizer (they had all heard of outbreaks of norovirus and I guess they sort of want me to come back to ASDM)
A blanket to keep warm in the colder climates ( the “blanket” is about 3” x 3”)
A battery-operated fan (for hot flashes? Or maybe because I had been complaining that it was going to be 45C [113F] in Dubai?)
Several energy drinks (I had been lolling about in the office all day)
Two ASDM pins to trade
Did I mention I got earplugs?
TWO sleep masks (to go with the earplugs, I think)
An “extremely loud” whistle (to ward off the pirates off the Somali coast?)
Glow sticks (to “add an extra glow to parties”)
Tube shot glasses (to add even more of a glow to those parties—I wonder why they didn’t include the booze?)
The most aptly named “Nauzene” motion sickness pill (for Randy of course as I NEVER get seasick)
A sewing kit (probably for me to stitch up Randy when he trips over the tube shot glasses at the party)
Hand warmers (did I mention it was going to be 113F in Dubai?)
Specialized playing cards for Hearts, Rummy, and Go Fish (for the times when Randy & I cannot think of a single other thing to do)
Two harmonicas ( in case we want to enter the passenger talent show, or in case Randy & I want to clear the room of every other person)
More earplugs
A first aid kit with yet more energy drink, breath fresheners (are they trying to tell me something?), Dramamine (for Randy, of course), Advil PM & aspirin (did Randy put those in there?), anti-diarrheal AND laxative pills (no comment), a mini-flask (again, why didn’t they include the booze?), and last but most useful, hand sanitizer on a belt carrier.
3-D bookmarks (especially useful when trying to read and the ship is rocking and rolling)
Specialized maps, some published some time in 1602 and written in Swedish, given to me so we don’t get lost down under and forget which way is up
A journal so I’ll never forget what a great time we’ll have
A monocular to use to help the captain find his way home by following the shorebirds
The funniest and possibly most useful gift, a “Go Girl” that is "hygienic, portable, discreet, and reusable." None of the guys had any idea what that is. All the women knew exactly what it is.
A guide to the stars from 1985—But the stars haven't changed in what? 4 billion years?
And a (faux) leopard bag—Or maybe it’s faux cheetah or jaguar?—to carry it all in.
And when all else fails, a certificate for a “Cheap divorce for cruisers” from the Law Firm of Lure’em, Fleece, and Screw’em whose legal advice is worth what I paid for it. Good at any of their offices, but of course they have no offices (thank you to Bill, lawyer/judge/co-captain).